


Strange Fiction: Death Note Ficlets

by ZombieJesus



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Desire, Drabbles, Feels, Ficlets, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Kissing, L as a child, L is a stubborn patient, Lawlight roof scene, Light and Ryuk being bros, Light's inner thoughts, M/M, Meet-cute in the afterlife, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Tumblr Prompt, Understanding, lawlight, making connections, silliness and fears
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-03-30 18:51:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 10,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13957794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombieJesus/pseuds/ZombieJesus
Summary: An ongoing collection of unconnected Death Note ficlets.1- Therapy: AU where Light and L meet in a group therapy2- London Bridge: L and Light put together a puzzle3- Lab Partners: L and Light conduct an experiment4- My Bed My Rules: Light finds L asleep in his bed even though the handcuffs are gone5- First Friend: Light asks L if he meant it6- The Library: Light meets L in Mu7- Place Value: L comes to live with Watari after his parents pass away, and they try to connect8- Big Ben: Light notices something on L's desk9- Cursed: Light's thoughts after admitting he is Kira10- Nightlight: L hides when he thinks he sees a spider11- One Day: L and Light on the roof, and a different outcome12- Think of the Apples: Inspired by the Jump Force scene of Light and Ryuk13- I’m Not Sick: L refuses to admit he’s sick to Light14- Not Broken: Light steps on L's toe15- Fortress: Light's known for a week he's Kira





	1. Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt for Lawlight therapist/patient AU

Light stepped into the basement room of the civic center and almost immediately turned back around. There were the donut boxes and bad coffee set up in the corner, the circle of uncomfortable metal chairs in the center of the room, the inspirational posters tacked to the wall. The whole room was trying so hard to be welcoming and cheerful, but underneath the reality was somber and grey. You couldn’t just slap a sombrero on a mummy and expect to hide the rot.

 

But the group therapist was just behind him, “Oh hello Light, so glad you chose to join us tonight! And it only took me suggesting it oh…hmmm, 30 times?”

 

“Yes well, it might just be this once. But I thought I’d give it a shot.” Light gave him a tight smile and made a beeline for the coffee table, wanting to focus on anything other than being here to discuss _his problem_.

 

But someone else was already hogging the entire coffee table, rather a feat given their rail-thin frame. A man with wild black hair was opening packet after packet of sugar and dumping it into his styrofoam cup, flicking the papers and creating a mighty mess.

 

“Um, excuse me? Can I get to the coffee please…”

 

More papers were ripped up and dumped and flicked, and the man didn’t look up. “Wait your turn.”

 

Light huffed but reached over and grabbed a cup, extending his arm in front of the man to fill it with coffee. “Looks like I’d be waiting all day at the rate you’re going.” He picked up the bowl of sugars and set it at the far end of the table. “There. Knock yourself out.”

 

The man stopped opening the packets and looked up at Light for the first time, his grey eyes widening as he took him in. “You’re very rude.” But he couldn’t stop staring.

 

“You should talk. Leave some sugars for everyone else why don’t you?” And Light took two packets and dumped them in his own cup, carefully throwing away the papers in the trash.

 

The man chewed a sugar-crystal coated finger as he continued to stare. “You’re very attractive. Why are you here?”

 

Light glowered at the nosy man but was softened somewhat by the compliment. “Same as you I imagine.”

 

“I’m Ryuzaki.”

 

“Isn’t this supposed to be anonymous?”

 

The therapist clapped his hands. “Ok everyone time to sit down. Let’s begin.” The myriad people in the room went to sit in the circle of chairs, all but Ryuzaki who crouched in the chair next to Light.

 

The therapist went on, “So welcome to Nymphomaniacs Anonymous. I’m Dr. Steve. I want to congratulate you all on taking this step towards addressing your problem, whether this is your first time here or you’re a regular. So…who wants to go first?”

 

Ryuzaki’s hand shot up, and he grinned, “I will.”

 

Dr. Steve nodded. “Ah ok, usually the new people listen the first session but you are also welcome to talk. The way this works is you tell the group about a challenging situation you had related to your problem, and then how you dealt with it.”

 

“Ah, simple.” Ryuzaki nodded, tapping his finger on his bottom lip. “Well, I met an extremely attractive man today, and immediately had troublesome thoughts.”

 

Dr. Steve got a serious expression, “Yes good, go on.”

 

“I wanted to push him into the coat closet and rip off all his clothes, and find out how big his cock was.”

 

A nervous but understanding murmur went through the rest of the group, and Light started blushing as he realized they were all staring at him.

 

Dr. Steve started scribbling notes. “Mmm hmm and then what?”

 

Ryuzaki licked his lips, “Well he was also a very rude person so I thought it would be a bad idea. I might get punched.”

 

The group laughed as if of course they’d had similar experiences holding them back.

 

“But I got the idea that maybe he might like it anyway and—“

 

Dr. Steve looked up. “Now now we must not project our own neuroses onto others.”

 

Ryuzaki looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully, “Perhaps. But I slipped my phone number in his pocket anyway just in case.”

 

Dr. Steve tut-tutted, “Oh we have some work to do, don’t we!”

 

The group giggled, admiring his nerve. Another patient asked, “But how would he know it was from you?”

 

Ryuzaki smiled, “Well I think he’ll figure it out.”

 

Light sat through the rest of the group session with his face on fire, but finally reached into his front pocket when he thought no one was looking. But nothing was there.

 

Ryuzaki leaned over while Dr. Steve yammered on and whispered, “Disappointed?”

 

Light crossed his arms and didn’t say anything. But he was.

 

“Check your back pocket.” Ryuzaki smiled just perceptibly as Light sneakily checked.

 

Light stiffened when he felt some gritty sugary paper. And whispered back, “I saw a coat closet in the hall.”


	2. London Bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Puzzles and bridges

It was always quieter at night, when the team had gone home and it was just Light and L jangling their handcuff chain upstairs.

 

Tonight, Light was putting together a puzzle in their bedroom while L typed away on his laptop, munching strawberry mousse Pocky.

 

Of course L was pretending not to watch Light out of the corner of his eye, but he was watching Light.

 

But there was more than one genius in the room, and L could be rather obvious. He wasn’t nearly as sneaky as he believed himself to be.

 

Light smiled inwardly and huffed in fake annoyance as he tried to get (what he knew was) the wrong puzzle piece to fit. “Drat.”

  
Without looking up from his typing, L pointed his Pocky to a puzzle piece, “That one.”

 

Light nodded and took the piece, slotting it into the puzzle. “Oh look, it fits. Thanks.”

 

L was becoming a bit more interested in the puzzle than his spreadsheet but still kept his eyes forward.

 

Light plopped his chin in his hand and added a few more pieces, then smirked and started putting the wrong one in again. “Hmmmm.” He affected a look of concentrated consternation (for L’s benefit). 

 

L sighed and pointed again with a new Pocky, “It’s this one Light-kun.”

 

Light grinned and picked up the piece, putting it in the puzzle where it fit perfectly. “Why not help me Ryuzaki? Don’t you want to see the end picture?”

 

”I already know the end, it’s London Bridge, right there on the box.” L waved his Pocky blithely at the propped-up puzzle box on the bed.

 

“Yeah I guess so.” Light goes back to it, putting the right pieces in, feeling a bit bummed. _Stubborn_. 

 

L noticed that Light was quieter, and putting the puzzle together more quickly now. “You know, I’ve seen the real London Bridge, when I was a kid.” _At Wammy’s, not that I saw many things outside that place. But I saw that._

 

“Oh? I suppose a puzzle wouldn’t compare.” Light was nearly done. Softly, more to himself, “When I was a kid I thought London Bridge was in a perpetual state of falling down.”

 

L looked up then, and giggled. “So did I.” _And I was rather disappointed when it wasn’t._ He set his laptop aside and turned to the puzzle, helping Light when he pretended to be stumped a few more times. L knew he was pretending, but went along with it anyway, suggesting the correct piece with a serious expression.

 

Finally the puzzle was completed, and Light looked down at it. “I guess it’s not that exciting.”

 

L looked down too and slowly pushed the finished puzzle off the bed, where it fell to the floor and broke into pieces again. “Oops.”

 

Light laughed, “Ryuzaki!”

 

L tapped his lip, a little smile forming there. “Guess we’ll have to do it again.”  
  



	3. Lab Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light and L conduct an experiment

Light dragged L towards the kitchen of HQ by the handcuff chain, he desperately needed a break from staring at the same spreadsheet for the past 2 hours.

 

“If Light-kun is hungry we can just call Watari.” L looked over his shoulder at his waiting work, “Such interruptions are just going to increase his percent—“

 

“Can it with the percentages for 5 minutes L.” Light pushed open the kitchen doors. “I just need a break. Anyway I think you might like this.”

 

L grumbled, “Doubtful.”

 

“It’s an experiment, won’t take long and you can get back to your charts and graphs.” Light laughed softly and took a large cup, a bag of sugar, a fork and some kitchen twine, setting them on the counter. He filled the cup with boiling hot water from the electric kettle and turned to L, “Your job is to put as much sugar in that cup as will dissolve, think you can do that L? I know you’ve gotten plenty of practice.”

 

L grabbed the sugar and nodded, “I’m well aware of the maximal solubility limits of sugar in water.” He dumped sugar into the cup, more and more, carefully stirring it until it was dissolved into something more akin to viscous syrup than sugar water. “There.” He bent down to stare into the clear cup, chewing a finger and holding back the urge to just down it. But Light has gotten his attention for sure. “What does Light-kun intend to do with this?”

 

“Magic.” Light tied some twine around the fork, letting long pieces dangle down from the handle. He set the fork across the top of the cup, making sure the twine dropped into the solution. He dropped some vanilla extract and strawberry flavor into the mixture and swirled it around dramatically. “Now we just have to wait.” He set his watch for 2 hours.

 

L was aghast that Light had seemingly ruined this delicious beverage by dropping old twine and some other odd substances in it. “Wait?! But—“

 

“No no L.” Light took the cup and moved it to a high ledge, L following closely on his heels. “Two hours. We can come back and check our experiment after that.”

 

They went back to work, L slouched over in his chair, but Light noticed he was checking the time on the wall clock quite often. Finally, L turned to him, “Two hours is up Light-kun, let’s go check.” And indeed, Light’s watch went off right then.

 

Light smiled at L’s eagerness and they went back into the kitchen to retrieve the cup. Light lifted the fork from the solution and L ‘oooooh’-ed as he saw tiny sugar crystals forming on the string. “I see. We created a supersaturated sugar solution.”

 

Light nodded, “As the water cools, the huge amount of sugar particles fall out of the solution as a precipitate, and connect with other sugar particles.” Light pushed the string back into the mix. “Making crystals.”

 

“Mmm sounds delicious.” L reached for the cup but Light put it back on the shelf. “But it didn’t look done.”

 

Light grinned, “Well the crystals will take 2 weeks to really form.”

 

L’s eyes went wide with disappointment. “Two weeks!” He frowned, “This is hardly magic.” He really really wanted to drink that sugar solution now.

 

Light’s eyebrow arched, “Oh, well we haven’t gotten to the magic yet. Now close your eyes while I say the magic word.”

 

“Light...” L looked dubious.

 

“Do you want candy or not?”

 

L sighed, “Fine.” And closed his eyes. “Kira better not take advantage of this minor lapse in surveillance.”

 

Light quietly opened a cabinet and took out another identical cup and string setup. “Kiracadabra!” He’d started this one 2 weeks ago and it was ready now. “Ok open your eyes.” When L did he slowly pulled the fork out of the solution, revealing two perfectly formed rock candy clusters with large crystals. “See?”

 

L bit his lip, immediately seeing the trick because the fork was slightly more scratched and the string was totally soaked where the other had not been. But he acted very surprised. “Amazing. Who would’ve guessed Kira could use his powers for non-evil purposes.”

 

Light frowned, laying the fork on a paper towel and drying it off. He grumbled quietly, “So much for trying to be nice.” He put one of the candies in L’s hand sullenly, “Here you go.” He turned away and started to walk back to the monitor room but was stopped by a jerk in the chain and turned around.

 

“You’re right.” L slouched up to him with the candy in his mouth, pulling it out with a pop and planting a big sticky kiss on Light’s surprised face. He smiled, mumbling around the candy, “It’s magic.”

 


	4. My Bed My Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light finds L asleep in his bed, even though the handcuffs are gone now.

It was the first night Light had been let out of the handcuffs, and he lie awake in his own bed for the first time in months. It was dizzying, all the memories rushing back so suddenly and so intensely.

 

_I’m Kira…_

 

As he listened to the fan overhead make its slow rotations, he got up and turned the thermostat down. Just because he could now, just because L had always kept their room so warm and he didn’t have to endure that anymore.

 

He must have fallen asleep at some point, because he woke up a few hours later feeling much too warm. Light sat up and saw L there, sleeping soundly on top of the covers and curled against him with a finger hanging from his mouth. It puzzled Light—they weren’t chained anymore, there was no reason for L to be here. They were both free of the tether to the other and could now go about their game alone but in parallel, chasing and being chased, bound by lies instead of anything physical.

 

But he was here, uninvited. Peacefully sleeping next to someone he believed was a murderer, who wanted to kill him. In a room much too cold for his oft-stated tastes. He was here.

 

L chose that.

 

Light felt his heart racing and he didn’t know why, except the softness of L’s sleeping expression did not melt in the gaze of a reborn Kira. L didn’t sense the danger but found comfort here, despite the goosebumps covering his pale skin.

 

L should know better. L did know better.

 

Light thought he should wake him, tell him to leave and go back to his own bed. But instead, he sighed and pulled the covers over L, watching as the goosebumps faded and he warmed.

 

Light should know better too.

 

L felt the covers being dragged up carefully around him and fought the impulse to snuggle down into them further. He hadn’t really been asleep, was just lying still and quiet so he didn’t have to give any excuses as to why he was here. He didn’t have any. He’d just couldn’t sleep in his own bed tonight for whatever reason. It felt too big and too empty, like the world felt suddenly too big and empty.

 

Something had changed. Light had changed, even though he pretended otherwise, as L was pretending now. So many lies, and yet it was preferable to coming out and saying what they both knew.

 

“L...?

 

L squeezed his eyes shut harder but it only gave him away, and he heard soft laughter next to him. He sighed, the jig was up, and he tentatively peeked up at Light. “How did Light-kun know?”

 

Light turned towards him, propping his head up in his hand. “Because you either drool or snore when you’re really asleep. And you weren’t doing either so—“

 

“I do no such thing. Light-kun will take that back.” L frowned at the irritating smirk on Light’s face and knew that he really must do that.

 

“I won’t take it back.” Light poked him lightly on the nose. “Cause it’s true.” They were quiet a moment, just looking at each other. “Why are you here L?”

 

“Does Light-kun want me to leave?” L chewed his finger nervously, feeling rather silly now. What had he been thinking...

 

“No, I’m glad you’re here.” L’s eyes snapped to his and he smiled. “But my bed my rules.”

 

L stared at him blankly, “I would remind you that I own this whole tower including this bed.”

 

Light sighed, “Fine, whatever.” He flopped over away from L, “Goodnight.”

 

L bit his lip, curiousity needling his mind. He scooted closer behind Light. “What rules would Light-kun impose?”

 

Light turned back over, trying to keep a straight face. He knew that wouldn’t be the end of it. “First, the thermostat stays at 68 and that’s that.”

 

L grumbled but nodded, yanking the covers closer. “What else...”

 

“Second, keep your drool on your own pillow.“

 

L’s brow furrowed and he huffed softly, “Fine.”

 

“Third, you have to kiss me.”

 

L’s eyes went very wide and he stopped his chewing.

 

Light blushed. “That last one’s more like a suggest—“ But he couldn’t finish his sentence, L had already pounced on top of him and grabbed his face to plant a wet kiss on his lips. And as Light smiled into their kiss, he thought that it didn’t matter if they knew better, it didn’t matter at all.

 


	5. First Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lies make duller cuts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by the following quote: 
> 
> “And so tonight we're going to make the lie true, and when that's done, I'll bring the liquor back here and we'll get drunk together, here, tonight, in this place that death has come into...”  
> \- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

“Ryuzaki, what did you mean, what you said before?” L had briefly released him from the cuffs to change into pajamas, but he only changed into thin cotton pants. This room was hot as a heat lamp, hot as the July sun, so he’d dress as cool as possible for sleep but sweat for other reasons.

 

L shifted the lollipop to the side of his mouth to take a sip of tea, not looking up from his computer. “Light-kun will have to be more specific.” The tea was sweet, but it was more vodka than tea these days. _These Kira days. The days and nights with Light._

 

Light snapped the cuff back on and sat across from where L was crouching on the bed. “When you said I was your first friend. Did you really mean that?”

 

L’s eyes dully flicked to his momentarily, then back to the data on the screen. “No. That was a lie.” He took another sip, not liking those words being brought up now. He wasn’t nearly where he wanted to be yet, that click in his head that finally came late at night and said ‘it’s ok.’

 

Light bit the inside of his mouth, L was drinking again and it irked him that L thought he could hide it. “So you were just trying to see how I’d respond. Manipulate my feelings?”

 

L shrugged, downing the cup and walking to the cart to pour more tea from the kettle. “Does Kira have any feelings?” The lollipop was done, and he flicked the stem in the trash.

 

Light frowned, “I don’t know about Kira, but I have feelings. I don’t appreciate being toyed with like that.” Quieter, “Even though you say you want me dead I know you care about me in some way.” Light thought of all the many ways L betrayed himself, how he looked at Light when he thought no one was watching, a little squeeze on his shoulder at an odd moment of working, bites of cake shared, the times in the night he woke with L’s leg draped over him absently, the forbidden and wrong smiles. _And those words. I know liars, lying. You weren’t._

 

L snorted, sneakily reaching under the cart for his flask, trying to obscure Light’s view. “Now Light-kun is lying to himself.” But his hand shook as he touched cool metal, and it wasn’t from the alcohol. _No. He’s wrong._

 

Light stood up and circled L’s wrist, pulling it back until the flask was evident. “I’m not the only one.” He took the flask, opening it up before L could stop him, sniffing it. “Did you think I didn’t know?” He held the flask out of reach when L grabbed for it, flicking it shut with his thumb. “Why do you do this to yourself?”

 

L felt hot anger flare, furious at this conversation, furious that Light would have the nerve to keep from him something he wanted. He growled dangerous and low, “Give that back.”

 

Light met his eyes, “Come and get it then.”

 

L turned quickly and tried to kick him across the face but Light dodged the blow, yanking the cuff chain and knocking him off balance to his hands and knees. He was more tipsy than he’d thought and his reactions were slower than they should be. Eyes flashing, “Give it back!”

 

Light turned his body defensively, anticipating the next blow. “Admit you care, Ryuzaki, and I will.”

 

“Why?!” L’s mind was spinning as his heart pounded. He moved to a crouch, pulling his legs close, protective. “So I can give Kira another weapon against me?” His expression softened. “You have enough don’t you Light-kun?”

 

Light knelt down beside him, taking his hand. “Not all feelings are weapons.” He moved L’s hand to hold it against his cheek. “If they are true.”

 

L’s eyes were dilated and wide, and he felt confused, unarmed. He stared unblinking for a while, then heard himself say words he couldn’t stop. “Lies make duller cuts.”

 

Light leaned forward, tossing the flask aside and pushing his fingers into L’s hair. “They do, but they bleed far longer.” L was staring at his lips, guiding him closer, and before their lips met, Light whispered, “Tonight we’re going to make the lies true, and then we’ll get that flask and get drunk together. Here, even if just tonight, we’ll lay our weapons down.”

 


	6. The Library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light and L meet in Mu

Light opened his eyes and blinked a few times, unable to place where we was. He was lying on a soft velvet couch in a single illuminated space in an otherwise pitch black room. Light’s stomach seized as it all came back—where he was supposed to be, bleeding out on a dirty warehouse floor. He sat up hurriedly, patting his chest and shoulder. The pain, the searing white pain was gone, and something new slid into that space. The realization that the bullet holes were gone from his body but not his bloody clothes, and the memory of shinigami claws putting pen to paper for the last time that mattered to him.

 

“I’m dead.” Light whispered it softly and the darkness whispered back.

 

“Yes, you are. But that may change, if you choose.”

 

Light gasped, trying to find the raspy voice that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. “What do you mean, if I choose?” He stood up and was amazed to see the golden light followed him as he walked away from the couch and into the murk. “Who are you?”

 

“Only a librarian. Would you like to see my books?”

 

Light looked up in awe as shelves of books of every size, color, and shape materialized around him. They stretched out in all directions, and as he looked closer, he saw papyrus scrolls, tomes of hand-illuminated script, and chiseled flat slabs of rock among normal books. All the forms of written word that humanity had devised were present here. “What is this place?”

 

“A place where those whose names have been written in a death note are given another chance, as payment for the years stolen from them by shinigami.”

 

Light’s fingers danced along the book spines. “These are not proper titles, they’re names.”

 

“The names and stories of possible lives you may choose from.”

 

Light took stock of the amount of ‘lives’ in this place. An uncountable number. “There’s so many...how long do I have to choose?”

 

“As long as you need. Time does not pass in this place. But usually ones such as you choose quickly, desperate for life again, and return to the human world without much thought.”

 

Light continued to walk down the long aisle, the soft spotlight following him as he went. But in the distance, he saw another spotlight. It hovered above a stack of dozens of books scattered on the floor, obscuring whoever was sitting behind. “Someone else is here.”

 

“Yes we have one library patron who has refused to leave.” The voice sounded exasperated, if a ghost could be that.

 

Light approached the stack of books warily, and as he got closer, a scroll rolled across the floor and against his foot.

 

“Drat!”

 

The voice murmuring from behind the literature was familiar and Light clamped his hand over his mouth. _It’s you_. He frowned, picking up the scroll and walking around the stacks to see a crouching form holding up a tattered parchment in pinched fingers. Light sat down and held out the scroll he’d picked up. “You...dropped this.” _He will be angry, even more than Matsuda was when he...But I should give him the chance in death to condemn me, the chance I denied him in life._

 

L lowered what he was reading, his wide eyes watering as he looked up in recognition. “Light-kun.” They stared for a moment, until L’s graceful fingers found and poked through the bullet holes on his shirt. “Oh. I see.”

 

Light’s face crumpled, it was so humiliating, this defeat, and still so fresh. _Why don’t you yell? Kira has lost. My dream has died. All of it, both of us, wasted and for what?_ But L stayed quiet, softly tracing the dried blood on his clothes. Light sighed heavily, staring down at his clean hands. _Not so clean._ “Why are you still here? Didn’t you find any life you wanted?”

 

L shook his head slowly as he nibbled a finger. “I was waiting for you.” He smiled, “But all of this made for excellent reading in the meantime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired from a writing prompt on tumblr:  
> When you die, you’re allowed to choose your next life before your memory is wiped of the previous one. You’re allowed as much time as needed to come to the decision, with all the options being only for you. You spend what feels like an eternity, going through each life, living through each moment beforehand, weighing your options. You finally choose a life to be reborn into, as there is no time in the afterlife.


	7. Place Value

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L comes to live with Watari after his parents pass away, and they try to connect.

There was a small, vaguely L-shaped shadow crouching behind the long curtains in the day room, and as Watari walked past with a plate of pancakes he pretended not to notice. He stopped in the center of the room, looking around with mock consternation. “Oh dear. I wonder where young sir has run off to now.”

 

A faint murmur was heard behind the curtain but the shadow didn’t move. L had only come to live at Wammy’s three days earlier and would often hide when feeling nervous or overwhelmed.

 

“And here I’ve these delicious strawberry pancakes and no one to eat them.” Watari sighed dramatically in the direction of the shadow. “I suppose I’ll take them back to the kitchen.” Watari heard a tiny squeak and tried not to smile. So far, the only way he’d been able to tempt the boy to interact was by providing sweets. “And there is even extra whipped cream. Such a shame.”

 

“Wait.” _Twenty-two minutes behind the curtain_.

 

Watari watched as the thin child peeked from behind the curtain, sucking a thumb despite being 5 and rather too old for that. “Ah! There you are. I had begun to think you’d run away. Now do come out and eat your breakfast.” He set the pancakes on a small table by the window and waited.

 

Wide grey eyes darted from the pancakes to the tall man, weighing his options. Finally he stood up and went to sit at the table, but he was too small to comfortably reach the food. _Nine days since it happened._

 

Watari went to get a thick book for him to sit on but stopped when he saw the boy crouch in the chair instead, raising himself enough to dig into the pancakes.

 

“Pfanks.” _Three days since coming here._

 

Watari sat across from L and watched as he ignored the utensils, preferring to use his hands and making a mighty mess. Watari had never been around children much, but the boy’s parents had been friends of his and when they died in Russia, he’d felt an obligation to take their child in. It had been a rough few days, L surely knew what had happened but had barely spoken a word to Watari, except when it came to sugary food. Watari poured himself a cup of tea and one for L as well. “I’ll do my best to make sure you’re not too lonely here but I do live a rather solitary life.”

 

L stopped eating and stared at his teacup, but said nothing. _Seventeen roses on the teacup_.

 

“Whatever toys or things you’d like to have to occupy yourself, just say the word.” Watari added a few sugar cubes to the teacup but L still didn’t take it.

 

L chewed his syrupy fingers, counting the tiles on the ceiling silently. _Two hundred and six tiles_.

 

“Is there anything you like?” Watari added a few more sugar cubes to the tea. L bounced slightly in his crouch, and Watari sighed, dumping the rest of the cubes into the tea in exasperation. “Anything at all?”

 

L’s small hand tentatively reached for the teacup and he took a little sip. He lowered his eyes to Watari’s, and smiled for the first time in three days. “Puzzles.” _Sixteen sugar cubes_. “Hard ones.”


	8. Big Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light notices L has a particular clock on his desk.

L rarely used the oversized mahogany desk in his bedroom, preferring to tote his laptop to wherever he happened to be crouching at the moment. On the bed, on the floor, set atop the counter while he and Light brushed their teeth in handcuffs. His actual desk was a unruly heap of case files and documents that Watari never bothered to organize, yet L somehow knew exactly where to find whatever paper he was looking for. Light would watch him mumble to himself and get up off the bed, digging through the mess and extracting some relevant evidence to be held up in pinched fingers. The rest would be haphazardly tossed aside during the search, yet one item on the desk was never disturbed.

 

“That’s an odd looking clock Ryuzaki.” Light jerked his head at the ornate and unusually tall clock ticking away amid detective detritus.

 

L turned from the paper to stare at the clock, as if noticing it for the first time. “It’s a replica of Westminster’s Clock Tower in London.” He crouched back on the bed, a thumb pressed to his bottom lip. “I bought it when….” He trailed off, swallowing. “Nevermind. Light-kun is trying to distract me.”

 

“Suit yourself.” Light sighed because it was usually impossible to get L to talk about anything other than the case. He turned over in bed, the handcuff chain rattling as he turned off the bedside lamp. “Goodnight then.”

 

L was looking but not seeing the data in front of him, instead listening for a long while to the comforting _tick tick tick_ of the clock. Softly, “When I first became L, I took an office in London, near the Thames. It was…difficult being away from Wammy’s for the first time but necessary. I had a view of the clock from my window there and could hear the bells chime every 15 minutes. I…set my life by it.”

 

Light smiled to himself in the darkness, turning back over to gaze up at L cast pale blue in the flush of his laptop screen. “You do seem to have an awful sense of time. Perhaps you should only live near loud bell towers from now on.”

 

L glared at him but his expression softened as he saw the playful look on Light’s face. “Light-kun is teasing me.” But it was true, he often lost track of time and the bell of Big Ben was a regular reminder he could rely on. The replica had done the same, and he’d never been without it since those early London days.

 

Light grinned, glancing now at the ticking clock. “Does that one have bells?”

 

L blushed slightly in the darkness. “It does.”

 

“I’ve never heard them though.”

 

“I assumed that the every quarter-hour chiming would annoy Light-kun, so I turned it off.”

 

Light’s smirk fell away as surprise took the place of needling curiosity. _I thought you loved to annoy me L. Or, would it bother you if I hated a sound you loved to hear?_ “Turn it back on.”

 

L looked up hopefully. “Really?” He got up immediately, picking up the clock from his desk and turning it over. He gave Light a dubious look. “Light-kun is sure? If it is too much, I’ll—“

 

Light cut him off with a laugh. “Yes Ryuzaki, just turn it on.” _I can see how excited it’s making you. How you’ve missed it._

 

L nodded and flipped the switch. It was only a few minutes before midnight. “It will chime soon.” He got back on the bed at stared at it, smiling very slightly behind his finger. Waiting for it’s familiar toll.

 

Light’s fingers brushed over his own watch, only remembering now to take it off for bed. He plopped it on the nightstand as the model clock delicately chimed 12 times. “That’s not so bad.”

 

L shut his laptop and pushed it aside. He got underneath the covers with Light, still smiling to hear the bells. “There’s also a volume control, I could make it louder if—“

 

Light sighed, shaking his head as he nestled down in the covers. “Don’t push it Ryuzaki.” Light had nearly drifted to sleep when he thought he heard a faint whisper. It might have been a dream and probably was, but answered anyway.

 

 _You’re welcome_.


	9. Cursed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The human users of death notes are said to be cursed with nothing but misfortune

The air was still of ghosts as the masks of Light Yagami finally fell away. Light was breathing hard, trapped at last by the mistakes of those he trusted. And now there was nothing left to hide, no reason to. “That’s right.” He calmed himself, raising his head proudly to accept the name they called him. The name that was a curse upon the lips of the rotten and unrighteous, a whispered prayer from his faithful believers. “I am Kira.” But god had many names. _I wore a million masks, more than you or L ever had._

 

A mask of innocence. _My name was child._

 

My boredom had been insufferable, oppressive and complete. I was a child, a young student sitting at my desk, gazing out the window to watch destiny fall from heaven to mortal dirt. It meant for me to know it, whatever Ryuk says. And as I grasped the death note for that first time I didn’t even know what I had touched, what had touched me. But this gift could not have come to just anyone, no, and it was lucky how naive I was then. Could I have done everything I needed to do had I realized the risk? The price? All I cared about then was the obliteration of my aching ennui. Here was the agent of its destruction, what would become the agent of the world’s salvation. And no one else could do it but me.

 

A mask of perfection. _My name was son_.

 

Before I ever had the death note, that expectation was there. Don't stop, don't fall, don't slip, don't cry. Don't let the darts of the world sink deep; form armor and brush them away. Don't be someone else's cautionary tale, be their paragon, their aspiration. Take the things you need, don't ask. Need the things you take, use them well. Weave chainlink around your heart and barb it, electrify it so no one can find the weakness, the soft silent things inside. Protect them like hated treasure or toss it into the sea to drown. You can do it son. You’re the best. You’re so special. I’m so proud of you.

 

A mask of friendship. _My name was Light-kun_.

 

He asked me if I’d ever told the truth, but had he? Had he stopped to wonder if the hands we tried to stab each other with were made for higher purpose? My hands returned his serves, rested on bony shoulders, were encircled by steel and linked to his own. My hands held back the bullets of my father, the grasping of sycophants. Held apples to death gods, held the police at bay. These hands touched his wet face and dried the tears he hid with rain, hid my own tears in the nights afterwards. Formed a fist that collided with his apathy, made tea with one less sugar cube to see if he’d notice. Held him in his last breath as I smiled to see him go. It was the last time I smiled.

 

A mask of immortality. _My name was Kira._

 

If I had wanted the world to worship me, I would have revealed myself to them. But this mask stayed for humanity to both demonize and idolize the avatar, to give them an empty target of hate or adoration while it stuck. What wars were averted because of Kira’s presence in the world? What crimes deterred, what children grew up to know that morality is neither easy nor fair. The earth has been scorched by my works, and none shall soon forget me even when I die. What would have been worse, to have the power to change the world and fail? Or to never try at all? And to try, knowing what Ryuk told me--that death note users are cursed with unhappiness, and shall neither go to heaven nor hell. He doesn’t believe in them, and I don’t either. Are you hoping to send me to hell? You’ve stripped my masks away and I stand here a man bleeding, exposed, afraid like you. 

 

_Guilty by your laws. Imperfect by your mirrors. Betrayer by your morals. Mortal._

 

Does that make you happy? Or are you just as cursed as me? 

 


	10. Nightlight

It was 3 am in Kira HQ, and Light was fast asleep in L’s four-poster bed. However, something roused him from his tired dreams--a yank on the handcuff chain that perpetually tethered him to L. He squinted drowsily in the shadows, enough moonlight was streaming in the window to make out shapes, but L wasn't beside him in bed.

 

"Ryuzaki?" Light got no response but felt the chain jerk harder this time, and spied a lump at the end of the bed under the covers rummaging around like a mole under dirt.

 

Light rolled his eyes, nothing L did surprised him any more. "Ryuzaki! What in the heck are you doing under there? Come back to bed and sleep like a normal person."

 

The bed-mole stopped its burrowing and a muffled voice came from under the fluffy down comforter. "No, I prefer it in here."

 

_Why must he be so exasperating?_ "Why, pray tell, is that?"

 

After a brief hesitation, the muffled voice responded shortly, "I got scared."

 

Light lifted up the covers to peek underneath. "Scared? Scared of what?"

 

L's wide eyes reflected the dim illumination in the room, making them seem even larger. "There's a spider on the wall."

 

Light stiffened at that, he didn't much care for spiders either. "What? Where is it?"

 

L whispered back, "By the light switch on your side."

 

Light dropped the covers and looked over at the switch.  _Are you kidding me? There's just a funny crack in the wall. It doesn't even look like a spider._ He lifted up the covers again and tried to keep his voice calm. "Ryuzaki, that's just a little crack in the wall."

 

"Is Light-kun sure?"

 

_Sure you're crazy._ "It's a crack, that's it."

 

L chewed a finger, looking unconvinced. "I’m pretty sure it’s a spider. Likely a venomous one. You better hide too."

 

_You're lucky I'm really not Kira._ Light closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then grabbed a slipper off the floor and smacked the crack loudly. "There, I killed it. Will you come to bed now and stop flailing around down there?"

 

L waited a moment and then slowly creeped up to his pillow to lay down, turning towards Light to stare at him as he went back to sleep. After a long silence, L said softly, "….you killed it."

 

Light's eyes flew open and he turned to L. "Ryuzaki….it was a crack!"

 

L yanked the covers closer, peeking at Light just above them. "That’s something Kira would do."

 

Light groaned internally, flopping over away from L to stare angrily at the offending crack. The longer he glowered at it the more it began to look like a spider, a fact he nearly admitted to when he heard L whisper a single word in the darkness.

 

"Thanks." 


	11. One Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final moment they have might be enough. Just a snapshot of maybe.

L and Light’s phones went dead from standing out in the rain so long on that roof that they missed Watari’s call to come back. Electronics have their limit, same as humans. 

 

L gave him a foot massage but Light doesn’t get used to the pain like L says he will, asking him to be softer. 

 

L apologizes and stops, because this is as soft as he’s ever been, knows how to be. Isn’t it supposed to hurt? He doesn’t know how to tell Light all the things he wanted to say. He knows he’s so awkward and feels it acutely now kneeling in front of Light on the stairs. Wondering if Kira can even recognize kindness and remorse when he sees it. If there is anything he can do to atone, anything to really atone for but the roles fate slotted them into without permission. But Light wipes his face of rain and smiles at him…and L knows that he can. That the gesture is worth more than false pride, and the prize he'd chased so long is hollow compared to the rain being brushed from his skin. By Light, by Kira. 

 

He changes to touch Light softly now, making him relax, and finally leans his cheek on Light’s knee when he’s done. Light reaches to touch his hair and the bells have gone quieter. Not gone, but duller now, as if from a distance. Fading behind a thrumming heartbeat ticking out 'yes yes yes.' 

 

“Ryuzaki what’s the matter?” As if Light didn’t know. Rem is going to do it, even Light can tell it’s close. He can feel his own bomb in his chest, squeezing his lungs of air as it occupied space meant for something, someone else.

 

“You would think two people like ourselves would be smart enough to figure this out, wouldn’t you…” L looks up at Light, wanting to live and wanting this person. Wanting to win less and less, trying to recall why that had been flogging him forward so long. Trying to remind himself what was better than this, what he'd thought was better. 

 

They stare at each other awhile and finally Light says, “Delay the test one day.” That couldn’t be used against him, could it? If L refused? Can we _both_ tell the truth for once in our lives and change our worlds in a day?

 

L shivers, they are both still sopping wet and cold. He should say no, even or especially because Light asked him to. But the hand in his hair is so warm, and while the thread of hope is thin and ragged, the weight of it is more than any handcuff chain. _Yes yes yes._  “One day.”

 

The bells suddenly stop.


	12. Think of the Apples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A drabble inspired by the upcoming release of Jump Force, featuring Light and Ryuk

Yagami Light stood on the roof of Kira HQ, calmly surveying a series of explosions in the city below. His eyes narrowed as plumes of smoke rose in the distance, “Who do these ants think they are, disrupting the peace of my new world?” His toes were at the edge of the roof, fist clenched tightly around his favorite pen.

 

Ryuk flapped beside him, squinting as his shinigami eyes noticed laser beams and bursts of energy flashing in the alleyways and streets. “Eh, just looks like some kinda rabble Light-o.” He rummaged in his wings for an apple, tossing it up in the air and swallowing it whole. “Probably better to just ignore—HYUK!!“ He startled when a particularly loud explosion set his favorite produce store ablaze and he grumbled curses in shinigami language under his breath.

 

Light smirked up at him, “Ah so now you’re interested?”

 

Ryuk’s eyes glowed in the moonlight as he read the names of the colorful figures below. “I was gonna just give em some heart attacks, but naw….” He salivated down his long shark-like teeth, hoisting his belt up with determination. “They had to go murder some perfectly nice apples.”

 

Light sighed, bringing forth his scythe from the ether and twirling it to remember the feel of something other than a pen in his hand. “Yes, it’s been too long since we had some real fun, hasn’t it Ryuk…”

 

“Yuuuuup.” Ryuk looked to Light hopefully. “Does that mean…?”

 

Light felt for the death note in his pants, then let his own golden wings burst out from behind in an array of illumination. “Long as you got my back buddy.”

 

Ryuk grinned, wider and wider as he looked from Light to the chaos below. “C’mon. Let’s go teach those punks what happens when they fuck with real gods.”

 

Light ascended into the air, golden clockwork wings ratcheting fast to keep up with the smooth movement of his four other white ones.

 

Ryuk was just ahead, hovering over the explosions and pointing down. He wailed mournfully, “Aw hell, smells like somebody burnt up a truckload of apple pies down there.”

 

Light grinned, shooting down to the ground and slowing just before landing gracefully on the balls of his feet. A deep sigh as he surveyed the damage to the city he, Kira, had assumed protection of, yet these curs had now sullied in their petty battling. He hoisted his scythe high, spinning it and then and slamming the sharp point into the ground with a crack of wild lightning.

 

And all eyes were on Light.

 

Ryuk flapped beside him and whispered, “Uh…I think you got their attention.”

 

Which was of course exactly what Light wanted. He slowly walked towards the frozen group, dragging his scythe behind him and leaving a trail of multicolored sparks in its wake. He started softly, “I see someone has decided to play a little joke on me. Dumping the lot of you into my city like it was nothing more than your chaotic playground for violence.” _Justin Armonia I bet. Probably revenge for all the jewels I had Ryuk ‘borrow’ from him._

 

He stopped in front of some spikey-haired muscleman, cocking an unimpressed brow. _That outfit’s the real joke here._ “But that…” Light’s eyes glowed red as his wings opened to their full span. “…was a grave mistake.” He snapped his fingers and a transparent wall shot up between himself and the others, rapidly encircling them in a dome of energy.

 

Their angry screams and yells were slightly muffled, and Light laughed as they hurled themselves and their weak weapons against the barrier. His face got serious, “Oh what’s that?” Light cupped an ear, tilting his head as if he cared what they were saying in the slightest. With mock concern, “Let you out?” He grinned wide, Ryuk chuckling madly behind him. “But of course.”

 

He snapped his fingers again and a gilded throne topped with twisted angels appeared behind him, and he backed into it and sat down. He let his scythe dissipate to points of light which swirled into the night like fireflies. “Well, one of you will get out anyway.” _Not that it will save you._ The throne began to ascend on a rising dias, stopping when he was above the fray. He wanted to have a damn good view of this. “The last one standing.”

 

Ryuk whined from below, “But Light-o, you said I’d get to have to fun. Think of those poor apples.”

 

Light laughed, and it echoed down the streets an alleys below. “You will, my friend! Take them out one by one, use your teeth and claws to rip them, show them!” He leaned forward on the throne, watching Ryuk’s hulking form pass through the barrier. A dark smile graced his lips as he stared down at the shocked mass below. “But leave the strongest for me.”


	13. I'm Not Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L's sick but won't admit it. Light takes matters into his own hands.

Light eyed L next to him, sighing in frustration. “Ryuzaki will you just admit you’re sick and go to bed?”

 

L grumbled back, “I’m not sick.” It was an awful lie and he knew it, he was slightly tottering in his crouch and had a headache that was only compounding his grumpiness. “I have too much to do to be sick.”

 

“I’m not sure the bacterium cares much about your busy agenda.” Light frowned, scooting away. “You’re just going to get the rest of us sick too.”

 

“I would have to be sick for that to occur. And I am not.” But even the pink frosted donuts on the plate beside him looked unappetizing today, and he’d drank so much tea it sloshed inside his stomach when he typed.

 

Light peered over his shoulder, starting to grin, “Do you realized you just typed a list of movies you want to watch instead of that criminal’s profile? Or is Shrek and Die Hard involved in this case somehow?”

 

“I…” L’s eyes went wide as he read what he’d been typing, breathing out hard as he backspaced it all. Quietly, “Perhaps I am very slightly under the weather. That doesn’t mean—“ But Light was already standing up, pulling him to the elevator. He was too weak to do anything but protest. “Wait!”

 

“Nonsense. You’re getting in bed right now and that’s that!” Light pulled him into the elevator and punched the button for L’s bedroom. “I’ll order up some soup and have Watari take a look at you. No more arguing.”

 

L slumped against the wall, nodding in defeat. But maybe this wasn’t a total loss. “Light-kun will also have to stay in bed though.” He jangled the chain.

 

“Naturally.”

 

L nibbled a finger, stumbling out the door when the elevator opened. “And…perhaps he will feed me soup?”

 

Light tried to hold back his smile, “I could. Depends on how much of a grump you decide to be.” He went inside their room, heading for the bedroom.

 

“I intend to be an enormous one.” L let himself be settled into bed, pulling the covers up and secretly very relieved to be there. “This is probably some ruse by Kira to incapacitate me.”

 

“In that case, I’ll have to feed you just to shut you up hmm?” Light texted Watari for soup and medicine, then got into bed too.

 

L’s eyelids were drooping, but he managed to mumble, “If I’m not better by tomorrow your Kira percentage is doubling.”

 

Light just laughed and turned off the lamp, “Good night Ryuzaki. After a nap maybe we can watch Shrek.”

 

L smiled as he drifted to sleep, “Don’t forget Die Hard.”


	14. Not Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light steps on L's toe

He did it on purpose, there was no mistaking it. That perfectly polished, Italian leather shoe never came down too hard or even a millimeter off its intended course— unless Light intended for that to happen. L knew he had.

 

L had been barefoot, pouring himself another cup of coffee for a late night (much later than the rest of the team would tolerate, as they’d all gone home). Light hadn’t said a word about L’s declaration that he intended to stay up, not a ghost of an emotion graced his features, as if he didn’t even hear. That surprised L— last night and the night before that, Light had looked murderous in his exhaustion, complained bitterly about his lack of sleep, his lack of freedom, his lack of privacy.

 

But tonight Light only followed him to the tea cart, and that was when the heel of Light’s shoe came down hard right on L’s little toe.

 

L gasped, his lower lip dropping from the sharp, white pain as the china teacup rattled in his hand and then fell to the floor to unfold into pieces. The shoe was lifted almost immediately, a perfect accident, with entropy not malice to blame, of course.

 

Sincere as a golden bell, Light rang a lilting apology, but his eyes were steel traps when L met their unblinking gaze. As if Light couldn’t even stand to blink in case he missed a real physical reaction, that insect-wing flinch, the way L swayed slightly and tapped his fingertips together rapidly to distract himself from mutinous neurons sending fire.

 

Light eventually sighed sympathetically, gesturing down to L’s toe. “You should let me take a look at that, the nail could be split. Should I get you some ice or—?”

 

L’s pupils had dilated with the surprise but pinned now, seeing Light’s real emotions cast as camera obscura in the shadow of his smile. _He’s enjoying this._ L huffed, “That will not be necessary.” He hobbled over to sit on the large couch and grabbed his foot to get a good look at it, contorting his body easily. “I will just call Wa—“

 

“Watari went to bed. Will you really wake him because you stubbed your toe?”

 

L looked up angrily, “I did not stub my toe. Someone very rudely stepped on it.” Looking away he grumbled quietly, “On purpose.”

 

Light’s mouth quirked into a suppressed smile, “What’s that?” He gracefully sat beside L on the couch, tilting his head to peer at the toe in question. “Accidents happen Ryuzaki. I’ll apologize again if it would make you feel better.”

 

“It wouldn’t.” L slouched his shoulders, hunkering down and looking at Light through his bangs like a wounded animal. “Because you wouldn’t mean it any more than the first time.”

 

Light reached out to gently take L’s foot, his fingers clenching when L tried to draw it back. “Don’t be so dramatic. I’m just going to take a look.”

 

L grit his teeth but slackened his leg, letting Light bring his foot closer for a look. It was incredibly distracting to be touched at all by Light, but his feet in particular were both very sensitive and a source of anxiety to have people to look at. Going barefoot all the time meant they were rough and dirty, calloused, with uneven nails. They probably smelled less than wonderful after a long day. It was a stark contrast to Light’s soft tanned hands as they probed his toe, and L’s breathing became faster, heartbeat thrumming. No one touched L. _He’s touching you you you you you._

 

“There’s a little crack in the nail but it isn’t too bad.” Light could feel L’s racing pulse, betrayed by the veins in the detective’s thin ankle right under Light’s palm. His eyes flicked up to L’s, catching him openly staring with parted lips, fingers digging into the couch cushions. “Does it feel broken?”

 

L blinked after a beat, extricating one hand from the couch and nibbling on his index finger as he shrugged. He’d never broken anything before, had no idea what it felt like. The pain had subsided and now there was just a dull ache—much like a stubbed toe, actually—and now L felt like he was probably just overreacting. His body was certainly overreacting, or just reacting overly to Light’s fingers brushing against him. His usual metronome was erratic as moth’s wings, but he didn’t want this to stop.

 

Light tentatively pinched along the toe, feeling for a break and watching L’s face. He stopped when L flinched but it would have been a much stronger reaction if there had been a break. “Not broken.“ He released L’s foot, the detective pulling it back quickly, the toes curling in and away. “You wouldn’t have this problem if you wore some shoes.”

 

L got up from the couch and went to the coffee cart again, his back to Light. But his fingers were shaking too badly to pour a new cup so he stuck them in his pockets. “I don’t need shoes. Light-kun only needs to mind where he steps.”

 

Light got up too, actual alarm flickering over his face as L’s bare foot nearly stepped into the previously shattered teacup. “Ryuzaki, watch where you’re stepping!”

 

L whipped around, anger flaring in his eyes until he saw Light quickly kneel down and begun to pick up the broken porcelain close to his foot. Surprisingly, he felt even angrier, nearly blurting out, ‘ _Why did you have to touch me?’_ But stood there silent, listening to each clink of the pieces into Light’s hand.

 

 _Clink. Plink…..plink…._ It was taking too long, longer than it should. _Why are you taking so long? Why won’t you touch me again?_

 

L wasn’t moving away, and even if Light touched him it wouldn’t mean anything more than the first time, would it?

 

He did it on purpose.


	15. Fortress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’d realized he was Kira a week ago and couldn’t say anything.

“Light-kun.”

 

The team had gone home for the night and Light was pretending to stare at the monitor in front of him, but his eyes were unfocused, his mind adrift. L’s words didn’t break through his empty dreaming.

 

He’d noticed the pattern in the Yotsuba case days ago but hadn’t said anything.

 

He’d realized he was Kira a week ago and couldn’t say anything.

 

The evidence had been there all along in L’s files, clear as a bell, and yet L kept him here, chained together in the benefits of doubt and false friendship.

 

“Light-kun.” L turned his head when Light didn’t respond the second time, staring closely at him. Light had barely eaten anything the past few days, and L had attributed it to frustration with the case, with L, with his situation. He tugged the chain between them but Light’s hand just slid off the keyboard limply, falling to his side. And still he didn’t look at L.

 

L got up from his chair and walked closer to Light, both curiosity and concern prickling him. He peered over Light’s shoulder at what Light was staring at, a graph of Light’s own creation marking the Yotsuba meetings and each death of the corporate executives they’d been tracking. His eyes widened as the significance became clear. “You did it.” L leaned over, one hand on Light’s shoulder as he typed with his other to play with the data. “You made the connection we needed.”

 

Light stiffened as L invaded his space and touched him, shrinking back into his chair, into himself. Quietly, “No.”

 

L stopped his excited typing, looking back at Light. “No? The pattern here is self-evident, it’s—“

 

Light finally lifted his gaze to meet L’s. L had made the real connection, the one about the true Kira, long ago. “Why haven’t you done anything if you knew?” Light had forgotten somehow, he didn’t know why, but the facts were plain even if he didn’t want to accept it. He was Kira.

 

“Knew what Light?”

 

Light sighed and looked away again, closing his eyes to hold back the angry tears that threatened to betray him. “Don’t make me say it. I don’t want to play this game anymore, Ryuzaki.” He felt long fingers at the back of his neck, and hoped they’d squeeze, but instead they were tender. Moving up into his hair and trailing over his scalp in a way that was both mesmerizing and soothing. He let his head fall forward and breathed deeply, taking what comfort he could, touch-starved as he was.

 

“I’ve been waiting for you to realize.” L gently guided Light’s face to look up at him. “Our game was all we had. Look at me Light-kun.”

 

Light opened his eyes, his vision was blurred but through the haze he did see L. _He didn’t want it to end._ Light had thought he could trick and hide from the three greatest detectives in the world, but it was hubris. “I’m trying to save my life, but…” Light’s hand went to cover L’s in his hair. _I feel something crack, break._ “…I don’t want to…I can’t….” _Something collapse, twist._

 

“Kill me?” L tilted his head, smiling slightly. “Then don’t. I’d prefer if you didn’t actually.”

 

Light laughed once despite himself, “That easy, huh?” He frowned again, wiping his eyes and feeling embarrassed. “If only it was.” _Something that was solid once._

 

L tugged Light to standing, pulling him into his arms. He was awkward and clumsy and inelegant, but he wasn’t about to let this moment slide away without seizing it at last. “Light, I knew it from the moment I first saw you.” He hugged Light tightly, pressing their bodies together as he’d longed to do a thousand times and didn’t. L felt Light melt against him and he whispered, “I wanted it to be you.”

 

Light’s heart was pounding, pierced by L’s words but also afraid that this was just another trap. A new tactic, a softer approach but no less lethal for him. “How can I believe that?” _Something that was iron once._

 

L grabbed him by the shoulders, brow furrowing as he sensed Light withdrawing. “Stop it. Listen to what I’m telling you.”

 

“I am listening.” Light felt L’s fingers sink into his shoulders. _Something like a fortress once_. “But what are you saying? I don’t even know if I’m sorry. Sorry that I once was….or sorry that I’m not anymore. I don’t even remember…who I am.”

 

L sighed, searching that beautiful, conflicted face. He sat down in Light’s chair and calculated the date of the next Yotsuba meeting, then sent a quick email to Wedy to bug their conference room immediately. He spoke to Light as he pressed ‘send.’ “Who you are is my friend. And I’m going to help you remember.”

 

_The fortress fell and I never noticed._ Light toyed with the handcuff, which over the months had rubbed a raw circle around his wrist. It would likely scar, a reminder of their connection he’d probably die with. “If that happened Ryuzaki—“

 

L turned and put a hand over Light’s mouth to quiet him, then let it glide around to the back of his head. He pulled just a little, signaling but not saying, pleading with wide grey eyes:

 

_shut up shut up_

_kiss me and shut up_

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: [kiranatrix](https://kiranatrix.tumblr.com)


End file.
